


loveless

by cakeist



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, aromantic!calum, honestly this is atrocious and a rewrite is in order
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 08:08:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20355184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cakeist/pseuds/cakeist
Summary: "You'll always be in love with love, Cal.""What awful Valentine's poem did you pullthatout of?"





	loveless

"YOU'LL ALWAYS BE IN LOVE WITH LOVE, CAL."

Calum scoffs, flicking back a page in his textbook. "What awful Valentine's poem did you pull that out of?"

Ashton rolls over on the bed, leaning back to look at his best friend. His bright red hair is a little bit of an absolute tangled mess, to put it nicely, but pulling an all-nighter to make up for no revision tends to do that. "None of them. It's off Tumblr, as all the best quotes are."

"Shut up." The younger boy replies half-heartedly, throwing an empty bag of Doritos at him as he pores over meiosis for the fifth time. He was supposed to learn this years ago, but just like worthwhile working headphones and an interest in anything romantic, it continues to evade him.

Ashton lies there in silence for a little while, humming along to a song playing out of the radio in a car on the road outside. Their window is only open due to the severe heat, and Ash is pretty sure he can see a mosquito flitting about somewhere, but shrugs it off as just seeing things.

"You should be studying." Calum says pointedly, as Ashton interjects with "Anyway, Cal, we both need Valentine's dates, so what do you say?"

Each of their statements is met with a glare of disbelief from the other, as if Ash can't comprehend the idea of actually studying at a specifically designed study session. At least Calum has a reason for not having a single shred of interest in a Valentine's partner; his complete disinterest in romance has existed since he was 11, and that's the way he likes it.

"Ash...? You know that I don't swing that way." Calum says slowly, and Ashton nods along.

"Wait, like, you're straight? But we went to Pride together..." He frowns, looking too much like a little lost puppy for Calum's liking. Sure, once upon a time, he had a crush on Ash, but that has long since died a death.

The younger boy laughs, shaking his head as Ashton watches him. "No, no! I swing no ways. Absolutely zero. Love is for the weak."

With a roll of his eyes, Ashton shuffles over to their emergency side cabinet of stress-eating, before rummaging around for his half-eaten packet of mint Oreos. Calum's favorite past-time is getting Ash's hopes up like this - while Cal may no longer have a crush on the older boy, it's safe to say Ashton is still more than a little in love with Cal, and he knows this.

"Plus," Calum continues, his bio textbook more than forgotten at the moment as he delights in getting one over Ashton. "Love sucks. Valentine's Day sucks. What's the point in a day where everything is focused on romance, of all the pointless emotions? Where's my sadness day? Where's my anger day?"

They fall quiet as Ashton chews his cookies and watches out the window at two of his best friends driving out of campus. Luke and Michael are so hopelessly in love with each other that it's started to feel like Ash is a third wheel every single time he's near them, and it's resulted in him spending less and less time with them. He hates it, but it's life.

"I-I didn't mean, like... romantically." Ashton says quietly, feeling sadder and sadder as he thinks about Luke and Michael and how much he just wants to sit under the stars with Calum and joke around and not really accomplish anything, just making memories they can look back on and smile about when their lives are nearing their ends.

Calum glances upwards from a very interesting page about mitochondria and tries to study Ashton's face (or rather, his side profile) as he stares into the distance. He likes to think he knows almost everything about the other boy, down to his childhood imaginary friends and least favorite ice cream flavour, but it's clear that there's still some sort of gap.

"Oh... I just thought the whole point of this was that it was romantic?"

"Once I went out with Luke platonically for Valentine's, like three years ago. It actually got so it borderlined on romantic and I genuinely thought he was going to ask me out, and then..." Ashton shuts his eyes, before staring at the slightly chipped wall. "That night I caught him and Mikey together. Hell, me and Luke weren't even dating and I felt like he was cheating on me."

Calum nods quietly, watching Ashton even more intently as he talks. He gestures a lot, and there's something about watching him as he's so engrossed in his own story that makes Calum smile to himself.

"Kiss me." 

"What?" Ashton laughs, pausing mid-Oreo. "Cal, you know that isn't funny at all. Like... No, please don't."

He looks scared almost, and Calum instantly feels bad for him. To be fair to Ash, he literally just got shut down by his long-term crush, and now said long-term crush is asking Ashton to kiss him? Any normal person would have some sort of apprehensive attitude.

"No, no, Ash, I'm serious." Calum forces himself to stare straight into Ashton's eyes, no matter how much it makes him feel uncomfortable. "'Cause... I-I don't know if I'm lying to myself, and sometimes I find you really kind of cute, but it's just... I don't know."

Neither of them move for a little while; instead, they just stare at each other, trying to establish the situation and figure out what the hell to do next. 

Does Ash kiss him? He's wanted to for the longest goddamn time, and it's all he genuinely wants at this point. Every time Valentine's Day comes around, the only thing Ashton can constantly think about is whether it'll be the year that he ends up with Calum, even if he is aromantic - by now, Ashton would just take some sort of half-relationship.

Should Ash kiss him? Because if he does, it could ruin their entire friendship, and if there's anything worse than not ever being able to date Calum, it's being unable to even talk to Calum on a daily basis. Even though, at this point, he's accepted he never will be able to date him.

Before a more sensible brain cell kicks in, Ashton drops to his knees from the bed and presses his lips to Calum's. He tastes faintly of strawberries and mint, and Ash can't help but smile as he sits back on his heels. 

Calum's eyes are still shut, and the older boy watches slowly as they flutter open and he smiles softly. "I... OK."

"Did you like it?" Ashton asks nervously, almost as if he's talking about a cake rather than, you know, kissing your best friend.

And that's it. The only thing that should be running through Calum's mind right now is that he literally just finally kissed Ashton, and he's thinking about cake. Fucking cake.

"Calum...?"

He focuses back on Ashton, and realises he looks close to tears. It seems like the culmination of everything that's happened over the course of this supposed study session, and Calum finds himself about to cry as well.

His feelings for Ashton are way too complicated for his liking. By now, Calum isn't wholly sure if his faint attraction to Ashton is just because he liked Calum first and he aims to please, or whether he genuinely does like the other boy.

"Sorry, Ash." His face falls straightaway, and Calum realises what he said. "Oh, no, no! I didn't mean it like that! I meant, sorry I wasn't replying. I-I... That was good, Ash. I liked it. A lot. But... Like, I'm still aro. I-It's not your fault, 's just the way I am."

His face darkens, then brightens instantly, the soft smile Calum loves to see returning to his face. It's rare for Ashton to be so happy, and it's not that he's sad or anything, it's just that sometimes things that would make a normal person a little downtrodden seem to affect Ashton ten times more - he's always been a little too sensitive to things, and in a way, Calum both admires his attachment to things and hates his vulnerability a lot.

After that, Ashton shuffles backwards to sit next to Calum, the smile remaining on his face as they speed through all the topics they both hate on this course; development of the human body over time, emotional hormones, et cetera.

There's a few stray touches: Ashton brushing hair back behind Calum's ear, Calum running his lips over Ash's neck lightly, but essentially, nothing really comes of it. And Ashton doesn't want to seem impatient, but he's established that he is madly, completely in love with Calum, and so after being able to kiss him like he's dreamed of, he really doesn't want to just stop there.

"Cal?" He whispers, biting his tongue as soon as he realises his pet name for the boy slips out. Calum either doesn't realise or doesn't react, though, just looks lovingly at his.... friend, still, Ashton supposes? "Will you be my Valentine now?"

"Of course, dumbass. Anyway, right, mitochondria does what?"


End file.
